First Major Failure

Some people will probably read this and think of me as a failure. Some will read this and think of me as human and being too hard on myself.

I would have to agree that I failed in my goal, but I am not a failure as some might call me. My goal is to meet each challenge and win. My goal is to stay on the strict boundaries I set for myself and not stray too far.

Last night was a blazing failure for me. Had it been Sunday, no problem. Maybe I should give myself some more breathing room on Sunday's than I did. But there was no excuse for yesterday. No work out and ate way too much. It wasn't weakness as much as it was other factors.

One was my morning working was killed by the fact that I woke up a bit late and had to get to the doctor. My evening work out was killed by my mom setting up a transportation of items sold to someone in Renton.

Then the final blow was the purchasing of Papa Murphy's pizza and cinnamon pizza. I was going to try to be good. I was going to have two slices which is reasonable. Than two pieces of the cinnamon pizza which would have been okay. I looked up those items online. However, what I found was I failed at doing that. I had a couple extra slices of each.

I just feel like I can't tell my mom what I am doing. I haven't told anyone in the family. I haven't told my friends. It is not so much that I am afraid to fail. It is that I would admit that I am fat. That I need to lose weight, and it will be like "What took so long." That goes with the other issues I have in life where I hide who I am.

I am not going to let this one day of failure kill me off. I stayed away from the deadly M&Ms. I also realized that even with this failure, I didn't set myself back to day one. I may not have a good weight loss total this week, but I will still lose weight. I will still gain muscle. I will still get better in the cardio.